Meeting people, answering phone calls, answering video calls, replying back to messages and mails, living up to people’s expectations, interacting with people in a community, making small talk with strangers, contributing ideas in team meetings, engaging in group conversations, presenting presentations, dinner parties with large groups, listening to incessant loud chatter, being active on social networking sites and wondering why all this isn’t easy is a pressure that some of us, introverts, always have to deal with.
I’m trying to sleep And I see myself as a tiny little dot Somewhere in Mombasa and then in Kenya. Zoom further away and I see Earth Rotating and revolving around the sun In the solar system Zoom out further In the milky way and into the universe Where am I? I don’t see me Or anyone else. There is nothing We are all nothing In this vast expanse of nothingness …
It was almost like the sepia filter was turned on, On the old forgotten roads. Not a soul to be seen on the muddy streets. He rode a bicycle and sang songs from the 80s. He hurried home, Saw his little daughter waiting for him at the porch. They went inside hand-in-hand, And found awaiting – A bowl of hot rice Steaming hot sambar & crunchy papadam That made his belly rumble and grumble with joy. He sat down immediately to eat, From the kitchen came his wife shouting, “Wash your hands before you eat!” All of a sudden, he woke up from his sleep. Found beside him a white lady in green. He wondered to himself, “Which one of this is a dream?”
Gone are those days when I could spend hours sitting in my room doing anything I like without worrying about where’s the food coming from, is it the day to wash my laundry, who is going to clean the house, wash the dishes, or who’s going to clean the cat’s litter box.
Grown ups need to deal with a lot of things. In a few hours that I get for myself, I need to think of making the most of my time by doing something that I absolutely enjoy.
The problem here is that I enjoy doing a lot of things. In one hour, how am I supposed to write, sketch, listen to music, learn a language, or do a course in interior design? When I finally decide what I will be doing or when I am just about to get into that mood to write the story of my life, time’s over. Or oh, last one, I mindlessly spend time doing nothing, totally waste my precious hour, alas time’s up!
It’s either time to go for a walk or time to cook or time to spend time with your partner, or time to study, basically it’s time to get up and do the household chores which do not come under the “me time” category.
The thing is we all put ourselves under unnecessary pressure to be over productive, I don’t know why I do this to myself, why we all do this to ourselves but I guess it helps us to keep going. If there’s no pressure then I will never feel the need to perform. So, probably pressure is good at times. Who knows. My time is up, need to stop writing and attend to other obligations.
Let’s sit somewhere idly and watch the world go by. Let’s wave at the little school girl across the street. Let’s not look at the scary smoking guy wearing an old torn pair of jeans. Let’s smile at the dog near our feet. Let’s point fingers at the tall skyscrapers and at the plants in their balconies. Let’s look up at the sky as a flock of birds return to their home in the trees. Let’s talk about the weather and the chilly evening breeze. Let’s just sit together. Holding hands. Doing absolutely nothing.