What an uncomfortable feeling this is, Restlessness, brain fog, uncertainty. What kind of a choice is this that I need to make. What is this guilt? Should I find happiness in struggle? Or live an oblivious and blissful life? Why is it always so hard and painful to leave?
You don’t really know how attached you are until you move away, until you’ve experienced what it means to be dislodged, a cork floating on the ocean of another place.
Isn’t it true? We all must have experienced this at some point in our lives. It’s always exciting to move to a new country but who knew I would miss my home, India, so much. I sure do feel like a cork floating on foreign waters.
You think you belong to the land in which you were born, Then, why have I felt so alone and wrong? Like an outsider. I’ve never felt at peace at home. When I walked on the crowded streets, I wished to go unnoticed. Always hiding. Always so angry with everything around me. Always seeking a door, To take me away from the miseries of this world. Running, looking for an escape. Running after change.
When I finally found it, I grabbed it with both my hands. Leaving behind my home. Unthinkingly in desperation. I needed it so badly.
Of course, I was afraid! Change is not easy. But, my homeland has taught me to be brave. All those years spent in fighting Has given me strength to adapt to change.
When I opened my eyes to a new world, I asked myself, “Is this paradise?” Clear blue skies, lush green lands as far as the eye can see. Filling me with a sense of serenity.
As time flies, Slowly the feeling of awe subsides. Overwhelming emotions started to consume me. I looked around for familiar faces, But, there was nowhere to hide. I realised, I am the only outsider. How do I begin again?
But, my homeland reminds me. Never succumb to feelings of dread. Overcome and be brave. You have always been an outsider. Running after change.